*Note: This post was written months before posting. I was still deciding whether or not to blog.
I have been enjoying my transitioning journey for some time now. My new growth is coming along quite nicely. However, every once and awhile I look at my hair and wonder what my texture will be? How will it curl? Will it be loose or tightly coiled? Then I imagine what I would look like if I got my big chop now? I would take a section of my hair when wet, find the line of demarcation and imagine how many inches would be left. Then I would damn near have a panic attack when thinking of chopping off my hair. I’d shake these thoughts off with a “hmmph” and walk away.
Each day my curiosity of what my texture would become grows more and more while my fear of cutting my hair grows as well. What am I afraid of? Yes, the easy answer would be cutting my hair but I feel there is something more. Some “thing” that lies beneath the surface that I can’t quite put my finger on. Now I bet some of you are saying, “really Jiquay, it’s not that serious.” I’m telling you, IT’S THAT SERIOUS. As you continue to read my blogs you’ll realize I’m an unnecessarily complex person lol. Any-who, after accompanying my cousin to get her bc (who btw just decided, “ok let’s do this”), and gasping after my friend showed up with her hair cut off out the blue; I knew it was time to figure out what was holding me back.
I’d like to take this time to tell the hubby and the bestie thanks so much for listening to my rants about why I need to cut my hair but not really at 3 in the morning! Hey pookie bear and Angel!!!!! Seriously, I’m taking these people through changes. I keep going back and forth. Up and down. Who knew hair could take me through so many emotions? I continued to contemplate what was holding me back and I finally realized what I was afraid of. I didn’t know who I would be without my hair. I had become so attached to my hair that I could not see myself without it. I identified with my hair. I was shocked and livid at the same time. How did I get here? Where did I develop the belief that long hair equals beauty? It was time to find out…
Until next time… (Whatcha’ll doing 😉 )?